Caribbean Cocaine Sharks

So apparently, sharks off the coast of the Bahamas are now swimming around wired and maybe a little… *too* happy. A new study tested 85 sharks near Eleuthera Island and found nearly a third with traces of caffeine, painkillers, and even cocaine in their blood.

Scientists say it’s the first time caffeine and acetaminophen have ever shown up in sharks anywhere. The drugs probably drifted in through sewage or wastewater—or, let’s be honest, from divers who might be doing more than sightseeing down there.

Researchers noticed these “buzzed” sharks also had changes in their stress and energy levels, which, if true, makes sense. If you had a double espresso and a questionable dip in tourist runoff, you’d feel a little jumpy too.

Can someone please check and see if Charlie Sheen has returned from his Caribbean scuba diving excursion?