“Put down the taco seasoning and keep your hands where I can see them!” isn’t something you’d normally hear on a detective show, but that’s now a possibility. There’s this guy in Florida—because of course it’s Florida—who might spend the rest of his life in prison over taco seasoning packets. Not because he loved tacos that much, but because he used those 99-cent packets to pull off a $40,000 trading card scam.
Authorities say 39-year-old Keith Wallis hit multiple Targets from Orlando to Miami—about 75 times. He’d grab a stack of pricey trading cards, toss in an equal number of taco seasoning packets, then ring up only the cheap stuff at self-checkout. You gotta admire the commitment to symmetry, if nothing else.
He allegedly sold the cards on eBay and made nearly forty grand, while Target was out more than ten. Now he’s facing charges for organized retail theft, dealing in stolen property, and money laundering—which could add up to 90 years behind bars. That’s a lot of time to think about tacos.