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The Great Kit Kat Kaper

Mar 31, 2026

The Great Kit Kat Kaper

Somewhere in Europe, there’s a thief surrounded by twelve tons of KitKats. A truck carrying more than 400,000 bars vanished somewhere between Italy and Poland, and Nestlé’s still trying to figure out who took their chocolate road trip a little too literally. The missing truck hasn’t turned up, and Nestlé says the great candy caper … Continue reading The Great Kit Kat Kaper

Fast and Furry-ous in Florida

Mar 30, 2026

Fast and Furry-ous in Florida

Down in Florida, Gregory Dolcine gets pulled over doing 101 in a 55. Middle of the night, 1 A.M., car practically taking flight over a bridge. The deputy asks “What were you thinking?,” and the guy goes, “I was speeding to avoid an animal.” Now, that’s a new one. Was it a gator? A python? … Continue reading Fast and Furry-ous in Florida

Man Arrested For The 98th Time

Mar 27, 2026

Man Arrested For The 98th Time

So, there’s this guy in Washington who just got arrested for the 98th time. At this point, I think he’s not avoiding jail—he’s collecting frequent flyer miles. Police say he took off on a high-speed chase through Olympia after stealing a few thousand bucks’ worth of stuff from multiple stores. They eventually caught up with … Continue reading Man Arrested For The 98th Time

Mammoth Mistake at Ozarks Museum

Mar 26, 2026

Mammoth Mistake at Ozarks Museum

So, two guys from California made some truly prehistoric bad decisions while visiting the Ancient Ozarks Natural History Museum at the Top of the Rock in Ridgedale, Missouri. Brett Howard and Todd Azevedo — who are both old enough to know better — were checking out the museum when one genius said, “Hey, lift me … Continue reading Mammoth Mistake at Ozarks Museum

Caribbean Cocaine Sharks

Mar 25, 2026

Caribbean Cocaine Sharks

So apparently, sharks off the coast of the Bahamas are now swimming around wired and maybe a little… *too* happy. A new study tested 85 sharks near Eleuthera Island and found nearly a third with traces of caffeine, painkillers, and even cocaine in their blood. Scientists say it’s the first time caffeine and acetaminophen have … Continue reading Caribbean Cocaine Sharks

Not So Grand Theft

Mar 24, 2026

Not So Grand Theft

Apparently, practice does not make perfect — at least not when it comes to robbing banks. In the Dollar Tree version of “Oceans Eleven,” Gustavo DeJesus Torres, tried to rob six Chase branches in five days… and ended up with a grand total of six hundred and five bucks. That’s right — six robberies, five … Continue reading Not So Grand Theft

2024 Fast Monkey
From Bail Money To Jail Money

Mar 23, 2026

From Bail Money To Jail Money

A guy in South Carolina gets tossed in jail for trespassing — nothing major. Next morning, he’s standing in front of the judge, and his bail is set at $250. Easy enough, right? He pulls out a wad of cash, hands over four crisp $100 bills, and says, “Keep the change.” Like he’s tipping the … Continue reading From Bail Money To Jail Money

Man Uses Google Translate In Attempted Robbery

Mar 20, 2026

Man Uses Google Translate In Attempted Robbery

In Newark, New Jersey, a guy decides he’s gonna rob an Ecuadorian restaurant—using Google Translate. Yeah. His big plan was to type his stickup note into the app, hit “translate to Spanish,” and show it to the cashier. Very 21st century of him. He even ordered a coffee first, because apparently caffeine is key to … Continue reading Man Uses Google Translate In Attempted Robbery

Drunk-Driving In A Golf Cart

Mar 19, 2026

Drunk-Driving In A Golf Cart

A “pickled pensioner” in North Port, Florida, decided his golf cart was the perfect getaway car after “partying at the club” since noon. It was nine at night. His wife fell out of the cart on the way home, hit her head, and he called 911 … which was the smartest thing he did all … Continue reading Drunk-Driving In A Golf Cart

Man Tries To Steal Septic Tank… TWICE

Mar 18, 2026

Man Tries To Steal Septic Tank… TWICE

This dude in Florida really, really wanted a septic tank. First, he shows up to a construction site and tries hauling it off with—wait for it—a Toyota Corolla. Yeah, that went exactly how you think it did. Someone in a Jeep chased him off, so he leaves empty-handed. But persistence is a thing, apparently. The … Continue reading Man Tries To Steal Septic Tank… TWICE

Man Caught Smuggling Ants Onto Plane

Mar 17, 2026

Man Caught Smuggling Ants Onto Plane

A Chinese guy was stopped at the airport in Nairobi, Kenya with more than two thousand live queen ants in his luggage. (Surprisingly, not in his pants.) Authorities counted about 1,948 ants crammed into little test tubes, and another 300 wrapped up in tissue paper rolls. Because apparently that’s how you pack your insect empire … Continue reading Man Caught Smuggling Ants Onto Plane

Ohio Overrun By Bigfoot?

Mar 16, 2026

Ohio Overrun By Bigfoot?

Something’s up in northeast Ohio—either Bigfoot’s been busy or folks there need new glasses. Over just five days, eight sightings popped up around Portage and Trumbull counties—a “flap,” as Bigfoot buffs call it, and the biggest one since the wild ’78 Minerva wave. The first sighting on March 6 was broad daylight. A guy swears … Continue reading Ohio Overrun By Bigfoot?

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