Stupid News

Results for “not”

Aug 25, 2026

Florida Police Seek Smooth Criminal

Florida police are looking for a gas-station robber who may have taken “Smooth Criminal” a little too literally. The guy allegedly walked into a convenience store wearing one white glove, a tan sun hat, a medical mask, a light green shirt, and black pants. So: part Michael Jackson, part retired golfer, part guy who absolutely … Continue reading Florida Police Seek Smooth Criminal

Aug 24, 2026

Vader Voices Support For Flock Cameras

Darth Vader has apparently added “city council activist” to his résumé. A guy in full Vader gear showed up at a San Diego City Council meeting to support controversial Flock license-plate cameras — if you can call it support when the argument is basically, “The Emperor needs this to track rebel scum.” Between the signature … Continue reading Vader Voices Support For Flock Cameras

Aug 21, 2026

Mail Carrier Arrested For Menards Mischief

An Iowa mail carrier apparently took the phrase “save big money at Menards” a little too personally. Authorities say 45-year-old Jill Brown of Ottumwa is accused of swiping Menards rebate forms from people on her mail route, then redeeming them herself. And this wasn’t just one missing envelope—it allegedly went on for about two years. … Continue reading Mail Carrier Arrested For Menards Mischief

Aug 20, 2026

Woman Dies, Revived, Gets Fined

A woman in New Zealand had what you might call a very eventful grocery-store parking experience. She collapsed outside a supermarket in Auckland, and DIED! A stranger stepped in to perform CPR after she had no pulse. Paramedics got her to the hospital, where she recovered. Incredible story. A real-life second chance. Then came the … Continue reading Woman Dies, Revived, Gets Fined

Aug 18, 2026

Bank Bandit Kitty Finds New Home

In a Stupid News follow up…the kitten who got dragged into an attempted bank robbery has officially left her life of crime behind. Three-month-old Magnolia, a panda-colored kitten with absolutely no criminal record, despite what the internet may suggest, was snatched from a Pet Supplies Plus in Beltsville, Maryland, on July 13. The guy who … Continue reading Bank Bandit Kitty Finds New Home

Aug 17, 2026

Fisherman Fights Face-Hugging Octopus

This gives new meaning to “separation anxiety.” In a WILD viral video, a Pilipino fisherman had reeled in an octopus, and the little sea Houdini immediately latched onto his face. Jesser Cervantes was on a wooden dinghy when the eight-armed escape artist wrapped itself around his head, covering his mouth and refusing to clock out. He … Continue reading Fisherman Fights Face-Hugging Octopus

Aug 14, 2026

Pilot Pops Positive for Pot

Air India has a new policy that’s basically, “Let’s make sure nobody’s flying high before they fly high.” After a flight from Phuket to Delhi suddenly dropped about 300 feet last week, injuring 17 passengers and crew, the captain tested positive for marijuana. Reports say the captain was standing behind the co-pilot’s seat when the … Continue reading Pilot Pops Positive for Pot

Aug 13, 2026

Player Practices With Snake in Helmet

An Arkansas high school football player learned the hard way that “check your equipment” is more than just coach-speak. The Maumelle High player practiced for about an hour with a two-foot cottonmouth snake hiding under the padding of his helmet. Yes, a cottonmouth. The venomous kind. Not exactly the sort of extra protection you want … Continue reading Player Practices With Snake in Helmet

Aug 12, 2026

Florida Diving Drama Over Lobster

Florida’s lobster season apparently brought out the worst kind of territorial behavior: the kind that involves allegedly cutting off a teenager’s air supply. Authorities say 51-year-old Michael Simpson was upset that another boat had anchored near what he considered his lobster-diving spot off Miami. He reportedly circled the boat, argued with the captain, then made … Continue reading Florida Diving Drama Over Lobster

Aug 6, 2026

Busted For Bringing Home The Bacon… and Vodka

A woman in Roseville, California decided she was gonna bring home the bacon… and the vodka… by skipping the whole “paying” part. She hits a Bel Air store first, stuffs at least 14 packs of Oscar Mayer thick-cut bacon and six handles of Tito’s into her bag, then strolls to self-checkout like she’s just grabbing … Continue reading Busted For Bringing Home The Bacon… and Vodka

Aug 5, 2026

Toupée Turns Into Trafficking Trouble

A gentleman flying from Bogota, Columbia to Barcelona, Spain decided the best way to smuggle about thirty‑four grand worth of cocaine was… under a toupee. Not in a suitcase, not in a secret compartment. Just taped to his head, topped off with the world’s most suspicious wig. Security notices this guy looking nervous, and his … Continue reading Toupée Turns Into Trafficking Trouble

Aug 4, 2026

Idiot Busted Burglar ID’s Himself

Cops in Miami-Dade pick up Christopher Chiofalo — a man they are VERY familiar with, because he’s been arrested almost 20 times. They take him down to the station and cue up the security video from a Cuban restaurant that got hit back on July 25th. He watches it for a second and goes, “Oh … Continue reading Idiot Busted Burglar ID’s Himself